Mules versus Jackasses
August SEAHA note from the editor
It’s ironic I go to my mules to forget about the jackasses of the world.
I was at Brawleys the other morning, my favorite place to enjoy a great breakfast for under $4.00. The extraordinarily quick and friendly service is also impressive. But for the first time in the three years I've been going there someone in the booth next to me was unhappy. He began giving the waitress a hard time because his order was wrong. It wasn't enough to just mention it to her, he had to hold up his plate and loudly demand, "does that look like french toast?" Still not satisfied that everyone acknowledged his displeasure, he then turned around in his seat to the guy in the other booth. "Does that look like french toast to you?" The shocked elderly man didn't answer but the question was repeated. I mentally prepared for when I would be asked next. I'd either tell him to calm down, or if I didn't feel like being confrontational I'd do my usual impression of a German tourist; "Vas? No Sprekenze Englesh." It usually takes a while for them to figure out I'm "funnin" them. My English newspaper would be the giveaway this time.
How would this scenario go with my mules? Setting; feeding time, our paddock. The mules play the restaurant customers, I’m the waiter. The mules are seated in their usual booth, the fence that overlooks our back door. Within minutes of arriving, they are happy to see the waiter coming. I don’t even have to give them menus, as I walk up they place their order. WrooHoohoohoo says Horace (hay and some of those pellets please) and Wreeeeeee says Phoebe (I’ll have the same). Cricket doesn’t order. Of the three regulars, she likes to act like she’s on a diet, then pig out off the other’s plates. I find the kitchen is out of Lakin pellets, so I substitute some rice bran, comping a portion to all three. As they politely begin eating, and so none of the other customers will hear, Horace quietly says to Phoebe, “pssst – this doesn’t look like pellets to me, does it to you?” “No, but don’t tell the nice waiter, I think this bran is even better than what we ordered. Let’s leave a big tip.”
Let’s further compare mule behavior to jackass behavior:
A mule will keep you out of trouble. A jackass will get you into trouble.
At work
Mule's ears help them avoid risks. Jackasses never listen to risks.
Mules just want to chew grass. Jackasses just want to chew someone out.
Mules neatly pile their poop in one spot. Jackasses erratically pile BS all over you.
On the road
Mules like to go the same speed as everyone else. Jackasses like to go 10 MPH faster than everyone else.
Mules usually signal before they change direction or speed. Jackasses never signal.
Mules tailgate because they like their trail companions. Jackasses tailgate to intimidate their fellow travelers.
In relationships
Mules tell you what they want (to eat and relax). Jackasses keep you guessing.
Small mules still do a good job. Jackasses think size is everything.
Mules do more watching and listening than talking. Jackasses talk without knowing what they're talking about.
Now where do you get your best customers?
It’s ironic I go to my mules to forget about the jackasses of the world.
I was at Brawleys the other morning, my favorite place to enjoy a great breakfast for under $4.00. The extraordinarily quick and friendly service is also impressive. But for the first time in the three years I've been going there someone in the booth next to me was unhappy. He began giving the waitress a hard time because his order was wrong. It wasn't enough to just mention it to her, he had to hold up his plate and loudly demand, "does that look like french toast?" Still not satisfied that everyone acknowledged his displeasure, he then turned around in his seat to the guy in the other booth. "Does that look like french toast to you?" The shocked elderly man didn't answer but the question was repeated. I mentally prepared for when I would be asked next. I'd either tell him to calm down, or if I didn't feel like being confrontational I'd do my usual impression of a German tourist; "Vas? No Sprekenze Englesh." It usually takes a while for them to figure out I'm "funnin" them. My English newspaper would be the giveaway this time.
How would this scenario go with my mules? Setting; feeding time, our paddock. The mules play the restaurant customers, I’m the waiter. The mules are seated in their usual booth, the fence that overlooks our back door. Within minutes of arriving, they are happy to see the waiter coming. I don’t even have to give them menus, as I walk up they place their order. WrooHoohoohoo says Horace (hay and some of those pellets please) and Wreeeeeee says Phoebe (I’ll have the same). Cricket doesn’t order. Of the three regulars, she likes to act like she’s on a diet, then pig out off the other’s plates. I find the kitchen is out of Lakin pellets, so I substitute some rice bran, comping a portion to all three. As they politely begin eating, and so none of the other customers will hear, Horace quietly says to Phoebe, “pssst – this doesn’t look like pellets to me, does it to you?” “No, but don’t tell the nice waiter, I think this bran is even better than what we ordered. Let’s leave a big tip.”
Let’s further compare mule behavior to jackass behavior:
A mule will keep you out of trouble. A jackass will get you into trouble.
At work
Mule's ears help them avoid risks. Jackasses never listen to risks.
Mules just want to chew grass. Jackasses just want to chew someone out.
Mules neatly pile their poop in one spot. Jackasses erratically pile BS all over you.
On the road
Mules like to go the same speed as everyone else. Jackasses like to go 10 MPH faster than everyone else.
Mules usually signal before they change direction or speed. Jackasses never signal.
Mules tailgate because they like their trail companions. Jackasses tailgate to intimidate their fellow travelers.
In relationships
Mules tell you what they want (to eat and relax). Jackasses keep you guessing.
Small mules still do a good job. Jackasses think size is everything.
Mules do more watching and listening than talking. Jackasses talk without knowing what they're talking about.
Now where do you get your best customers?
posted by Garrett | 8:07 PM
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